Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Your Legacy Begins When your Story Ends







Today, as I remember my mother on her birthday, I am compelled to share this story. A story of my ancestry; a story about women who stand up for other women; a story about pure grit; a story of my existence; and a story that explains where my mother got her drive, her relentless and persistent nature and her never-say-die attitude.

I had heard my mother speak in jest about her father, my maternal grandfather (my naana-ji), who’d always mention to my grandmother (my naani), “If you had not given me a son as my first born, I would have left you just like your father left your mother. I am a Rajput, and it is my right to leave my wife if she didn’t give me a son as a first-born.”

I knew my great grandmother (we would call her pad-naani) and have very fond memories of her. She was a lean, tall and strong boned woman with high cheek bones, a gorgeously brown complexion and deep, pressing eyes. She lived alone, fiercely independent, in a little village till the day she died in 1981. I was 6 years old when she died but I distinctly remember her and her nice little shop that she ran from the window of her home in the village. She’d sell knick-knacks to all the little children in the village; most of whom never paid for what they “bought”.

As a child, I didn’t pay much attention to my grandfather’s statement, and years became decades till quite suddenly my mother passed away in June of 2020. As I went through the process of grieving, even before I could come to terms with this vacuum left behind by her absence, within 10 months, my father passed away from a brain stroke that he suffered from, on mummy’s birthday last year in 2021.

My desire to connect with who my parents were and where they came from increased insatiably. This led me to a long conversation one day with my mother’s younger sister, my aunt. My grandfather’s sentence from eons ago popped up in my head and I questioned her about it. What I found out was a gem, a true jewel in my ancestry.

My maternal grandmother, Krishna Bai, was the first born, and obviously being a girl, her father (my great grandfather) rightfully as a “Rajput” left his wife (my great grandmother, Dharma Bai) the very day my grandmother was born. The year was 1931. 3 days after childbirth, Dharma Bai passed away. My grandmother was left alone in the world, in a society that didn’t much care for girl children.

That is when a great miracle of a lady, Dharma Bai’s sister, took it upon herself to become a single mother, in 1931! Her name was Heera Bai, the only woman I knew as my great grandmother. She went against the entire family and the society, and even left her husband who didn’t support her on this. Heera Bai, true to her name (which means diamond) dedicates her life to bringing up this 3-day old little girl. She went on to nurture and nourish all my 4 aunts when, ironically, she noticed that my grandmother didn’t want to take care of any of her daughters. My mother resisted going to live with Heera Bai because she was very fond of her dad, my grandfather.

Heera Bai’s action to stand up and protect a woman gave rise to 3 generations in our family and countless positive impacts on society!

This is change;
This is who I am;
This defines me;
This explains to me
Who my mother was.
Heera Bai is the reason
My grandmother survived;
The reason my mother came into existence;
The reason, today I exist.

No one in our family remembers the name of the great man who left his wife and then never came back for his little girl when his wife died 3 days later. But today, by sharing this I am hoping to immortalize the name of this jewel in my family, Heera Bai.

This has helped me understand a lot of things. Here are 3:

  1. The best version of yourself is in you, you just have to dig a little deeper.
  2. Your actions have an impact far beyond you.
  3. Your legacy begins when your story ends.

Monday, June 13, 2016

A Teenage Girl's Open Note to Sunil Gavaskar:

This is something my 14 year daughter wrote as an essay for her English homework. The angst she has felt over 5 years comes out with deep clarity and she wants to do the best to make sure this reaches Sunil Gavaskar. Her hope is to ensure first that people like him are able to see and accept this as a deeply ingrained cultural problem for young girls; Second, that someone in his capacity and influence in this sport does something to ensure girls from every part of the country have access to the same facilities and training that boys do with ease today.

So without further ado here goes... 



An Open Note to Sunil Gavaskar:

Cricket. Some believe this sport to be a religion, and others believe it’s a job that pays for athletic people. I believe that cricket is a way of life for those who choose this path. However, in this essay I will not be writing about the details of how the game is played, but in fact, what women or girls face when they choose to be cricketers. I believe that the hardships that these women face are not related to sports but actually related to a cultural issue. There have been several instances in my short life of fourteen years where I have experienced such prejudice and I would like to discuss them as we proceed with this topic.
               
I first fell in love with cricket when I watched the ICC World Cup in 2011, and ever since, I knew that this wonderful sport would play an important role in my life. Only recently did I have an epiphany that I definitely want cricket as a life-long career. An observation I have noted of in these past few years is that only girls who have brothers are excused to play cricket in common society. If a girl actually has an interest in playing cricket and wants to pursue this sport, the next step is to enroll for a coaching camp. This process for boys is quite simple. The parents check if the camp is close by and fees is moderately cheap, and the deed is done. Whereas for a girl, the parents need to check if the camp accepts girls, if it is close by and affordable. Quite commonly, if the camp accepts girls, it is not at a convenient location or the fees are too high.

As the years go by, and the girls have completed their education, they realize that cricket does not pay the bills. Many women go through a decision-making point in their lives. Their options are to either stop the pursuit of cricket and get a full-time job or continue their cricket journey and get a part-time job; few women opt for the latter.

The strength that all sportswomen possess, both mentally and physically is much more well-balanced in comparison to men. These women go through years of bullying and teasing, but they shine over the harsh words ultimately. I would like to conclude this essay by addressing women who are breaking stereotypes all across the globe:

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

-Mahatma Gandhi

From,
Vedha (a hopeful 14 year old)

NOTE: Here's a recent article in Deccan Herald that talks about this issue "Raising Sporty Girls"